Snacks

Traditional diet lore says snacks are bad. Eating between meals is bad. Indulging is bad. I personally think snacks are the perfect place to indulge yourself. Snacks are little. If they aren't, they aren't snacks. You can't count a pizza as a snack, or even a piece of pizza as a snack. That is a meal. Snacking is another area where we need to get real with ourselves

Hmm. I wondered what the dictionary said a snack is: "A hurried or light meal. Food eaten between meals."

Uh, oh. With this definition, I could do an end run around my diet by having endless quick snack-meals. To prevent this, I created my own definition of a snack: "A small portion of a single food eaten between meals to take the edge off of hunger or to savor a taste."

My rule was to have no more than one snack between any two meals. And no more than three meals a day. And no eating after 8 PM. Okay, too detailed, but I had to anticipate all my own tricky thinking. You want a snack to taste good but not be so compelling that you go crazy. By keeping the snack to a single food, you taste that food without distraction. Plus, you are not subjected to the alluring taste complexities that a sandwich or a bowl of cereal can present.

During my weight-loss diet, these were my favorite snacks:

• A small apple
• Raw carrots (one big one or 3 midgets)
• Dried cranberries (about 10)
• Par-cooked broccoli and cauliflower (1/2 cup)
• An orange or two tangerines or a kiwi
• Raw mushrooms (handful)
• Blueberries (handful)
• Dark chocolate chips (about 10)
• Almonds, both salted and unsalted (about 5)
• Cherry tomatoes (about 5)

The carrots, apples, and almonds were crunchy, which seemed to subdue hunger pangs, or at least make me chew more. The cranberries were tangy and chewy, not just sweet. Broccoli and cauliflower are my favorite vegetables (also my dog's). The citrus gave me a shot of juice and tang, as did the tomatoes and the blueberries. The kiwis and mushrooms are weird, which I like (that sense of fun). If I craved salt, I ate the salted almonds, if not, I chose the unsalted ones. Sometimes I combined the chocolate chips with a few almonds to make a sort of candy.

I didn't include any cheese because I gave up dairy for my diet, but a chunk of cheese could be a very nice snack. A spoonful of peanut butter. A fruit juice popsicle. You notice I didn't mention a cookie, or a soft drink, or corn nuts, or beef jerky. This blog is about a healthy diet, so why would I talk about snacks that are not healthy, no matter how favorite they are? You're on your own with those.

My Diet, week 7-Exercise

Hoping for the best after last week's badness, I tippy-toed onto the scale and discovered that I had lost eight pounds. Eight pounds? I was expecting to be in trouble, not ahead of schedule. I was a little stunned. How did this happen?

I gave full credit to exercise. Last week I did bad things with food and was very emotional about my lapses, not a bit constructive. But through it all I continued exercising. The bits of exercise that I added to my life were starting to become automatic. I wasn't particularly aware of taking walks, or lifting my weights during TV, or climbing more stairs. But apparently I had done them even while I was being silly with food.

A few tips about exercise:

• Weights and pride---I used 3-pound weights without shame. In exercise classes, there is a tendency to notice what other people are doing and try to match them. Or beat them. But some of the people in my class were 20 years younger than I was, or in very good shape, or their body vulnerabilities were not the same as mine. Know your own body and be nice to it. I personally cannot do pushups (or down-facing dog position) due to the extra weight on my wrists. My circuit trainer showed me an alternative, so whenever she told the group to do pushups, I did the alternative exercise. I didn't worry about what others were doing.
  
• Pain and pride---I rejected the 'No pain no gain' addage immediately. If I forced myself to the point of pain, I didn't enjoy exercising no matter how many other people I kept up with, plus I might injure myself. However, I didn't stop the exercise just because it hurt. I backed off a little. Instead of 20 crunches I did 15. Instead of using the 10-pound exercise ball I used the 6-pound one. I did modified plank, cobra, squats, rope jumping. I was protective of my back, my knees, and my wrists. I even learned how to do cool-down stretches by myself so I could end class early if I was maxed out.
  
• Fun---The classes and activites I stayed with were fun, or I made them fun somehow. If an instructor was too serious about the work, I found another class. I needed to have a good time with my exercise mates. I also created fun with the exercise tools and machines. I gave them names. I talked to them like I talked to my car or my dog. I bought colorful weights, I bought pretty exercise clothes.

Wow! I lost eight pounds!!! (Finally sunk in.) I took a look at my body. A waist had reappeared. Were those ... abs? This was very encouraging, so encouraging that I added a few more items to my list:

41. Bought a set of 5-pound dumbells (red!).
42. Had my body/fat ratio measured at the gym.
43. Joined the strength-building group.
44. Watched the DVD for my exercise ball. Did it.
45. Started reading food labels at the grocery store.

My Diet, week 6-Badness

According to prediction, I should have lost 5 pounds. The Monday morning scale said...exactly that! I lost five pounds. Proud of myself, yes.

I confidently went to a potluck party and did not overeat.

However, I then went out to breakfast once and dinner three times. One of the dinners was Italian food that was not shared. Then my great cook friend invited me over for barbecue. Many meals in a short time. (Yes, social events can pile up.) I ate even when I felt a little bloated---because the food was soooo good. I had to take Alka Seltzer twice. I didn't sleep well. To top it off, I gained two pounds. Arrrgghh! I was emotionally distraught. Despair can creep in very easily at times like this. All that work to lose five pounds and then gain two of them back like Snap! How unfair! Well, not exactly.

Here's the truth about what happened:

• I ate too many meals.
• I ate when I wasn't hungry.
• I ate quickly.
• I ate bread.
• I had wine with two of the dinners, and not just one glass.
• I ate dessert.

I wasn't a complete pig, no more than anyone else I told myself. I acted surprised and outraged when I got on the scale. But I wasn't, not really.

Eventually I calmed down and got back on my diet. Next time, I vowed, I would notice when I was feeling bloated, when I was full, and when I didn't really want that dessert or extra glass of wine.

My Diet, week 5-Moderation

Four pounds down, six to go. Time to take stock. Do I try on that tight skirt? No. Be cool. Be patient. Those four pounds might not have come off in the right places, and I don't want to discourage myself. Good thinking.

Week five was a watershed week for attitudes more than anything else. I didn't add anything new to my top 40. I was content to just do it, same old same old. After the novelty of anything new wears off is when practice and discipline need to kick in. And a little noticing. Here's what I learned:

• I had no longing for sodas, fast food, or any sweets except pie.
• My body looked slimmer than the scale indicated. Muscle weighs more than fat, and I had probably been putting on muscle with my exercise activities.
• Some foods gave me indigestion. I could tell which foods because I was putting less food in my stomach, and eating at regular intervals.
• I missed chips and dip. A lot.
• I looked forward to my exercise classes, especially if the instructor was fun. Putting in the effort didn't really bother me, but fun was what inspired me. It was no coincidence that my dumb bells were bright yellow. They made me smile.
• My new eating habits were cheaper. Smaller portions, sharing, eating leftovers---all saved money
• If I let myself go too long without eating, I was more likely to overeat or scarf down comfort food.

I learned something important about myself---I was a creature of moderation. I didn't drip sweat in exercise class, didn't do hard minutes of twisting fierce warrior in yoga, didn't scrape the whipped cream off the strawberries, didn't eat salads without dressing or toast without butter. Even though my top 40 list said I gave up dairy or bread or reality TV, I was not completely strict with myself. And it didn't seem to be a problem. If I ate a few chocolate chips I didn't have a strong urge to eat the whole bagful (I was not foolish enough to try this with potato chips). Watching one reality show didn't compel me watch TV all evening. A piece of pizza didn't open the floodgates. My occasional tantrums were brief and didn't seem to result in binges or lying to myself. This was good information. It meant two things to me:

• My diet might take longer because I was eating some "bad" food now and then. Deprivation and sternly following my weight-loss rules might make the weight come off a little faster, but that did not seem to be my style.
• Weight maintenance after I lost the extra pounds might be easier because of my natural moderation.

Tip: You might discover something very different about yourself, but you need to know. Then you'll have a better chance of constructing a maintenance diet that will work.

Vacation - Danger Zone

Challenge time. Could I maintain my weight through all the excitement and erratic schedule of a vacation? I really did not want to gain those four pounds back or completely lose my diet momentum. But what about the restaurant food, the social drinking, the laying about, the compromising on what we would eat, the food temptations in my friend's home. What about exercise?

There is great potential for backsliding on a vacation, and there's no point denying it. You need to enjoy your vacation and that's that. I decided that my goal would be to keep from gaining back the weight I had lost.

Calorie Trade-off
What I did was to watch total calories rather than the particular food that I ate. This meant facing the fact that the German chocolate cake I just ate had as many calories as two meals, so the calories for two meals had to be sacrificed somewhere during the week. Yoga and walking were my exercise. I ate ice cream, pizza, pastries, Starbucks, Mexican food, and chips, in moderation.

No one noticed my smaller portions, or that I had only one glass of wine or one margarita. My nutrition probably suffered, and I wouldn't want to continue doing the calorie tradeoff for very long.

When I got back from vacation, I had only gained 1/2 pound back. Success!

I decided not to count the vacation week, because it was not a true continuation of my diet. But it was successful in its own way.

My Diet, week 4-Determination

The scale said I was down three pounds! Yay! I didn't see much difference in my belly, but I was pleased anyway. Sort of. The scale at the gym said I only lost two pounds. Liar! This time my rebellion was a Dove bar. A little reward I told myself. No. Food is not a reward I scolded. (I didn't believe this yet, repeated it three times anyway---after I ate the Dove bar.)

I proceeded with my diet, adding the following:

29. Bought a giant exercise ball to use at home.
30. Walked vigorously most days.
31. Reduced my portions, of everything.
32. Used stairs whenever possible.
33. Quit watching reality TV shows.
34. Started doing a little yoga in the morning.
35. Bought some pretty exercise clothes.
36. Learned how to use the elliptical machine. Went twice.
37. Shared an Italian meal with a friend, one meal for two people.
38. Gave up pastries and peanut butter.
39. Ate sushi regularly.
40. Read "Eating Well for Optimum Health" by Andrew Weil.

Back on the scale, which said I was down four pounds! Probably a lie. I didn't get too excited, but I was encouraged.

No one knew about the diet but me. My ten pounds. Big deal some people would scoff. Ten pounds doesn't sound like much. But it is a big deal. Changing the momentum of established patterns is much more difficult than we realize. Food temptations are everywhere. Habits hang on hard. Inertia is incredibly heavy.

After a month, it seemed like I was over some very large hurdle. I felt a little lighter and a little more optimistic. Plus I had my "top 40" to keep me on task.

My Diet, week 3-Marching

I trudged to the scale. Well, at least that crummy pound didn't come back in my sleep. Onward.

I added the following:

17. Gave up lattes and scones.
18. Ate bigger lunches than dinners.
19. Had Japanese food out instead of Mexican.
20. Signed up for a weekly cardio-dance class at the gym.
21. Learned how to use the treadmill.
22. Bought 3-pound dumb bells.
23. Paid attention to how long I chewed my food.
24. Joined the circuit workout group.
25. Assigned calories to all the foods I eat regularly.
26. Found a walking buddy.
27. Stopped eating dairy products.
28. Did not restock crackers or potatoes.

My Diet, week 2-Outrage

When I started weighing myself daily I quickly experienced dashed expectations. Success did not come. I was discouraged and berating myself. I ate a huge bag of Honey Dijon potato chips. Not good.

However, I didn't quit. In fact, I added the following:

6. Stopped eating after 8 PM.
7. Signed up for a yoga class one evening a week.
8. Started using smaller bowls and plates for my food.
9. Stopped eating bread.
10. Started a food journal. Identified my downfall---chips (duh).
11. Watched a weight-control program on TV.
12. Took a pair of good walking shoes to work.
13. Started drinking more water.
14. Read "Total Health Makeover" by Marilu Henner.
15. Did not restock Mac & Cheese, soft drinks, or ice cream.
16. Sat on the floor to watch TV (suggested by yoga teacher).

At the end of the second week I had lost one pound. One pound!? After all my good behavior?! This was so unfair. More self pity, silent railing at the scale, the dog, the stupid diet. I ate a whole peach pie for dinner. Not really. Only half.
Dang.

My Diet, week 1-Okay, Okay

Actually, my weight-loss diet began when I got a scale. I didn't use the scale for quite a while after my initial upsetting weigh-in, but there it sat, a silent reminder that I needed to get going on my diet and stop procrastinating.

Here's what I did the first week:

1. Put the scale in a prominent place in my bedroom.
2. Got a schedule of the exercise classes at the company gym.
3. Took slightly longer walks with my dog.
4. Sorted my too-tight clothes together in the closet.
5. Stopped eating fast food.

This was the beginning, all fairly easy for me. I already had a few good food habits which I kept, such as eating breakfast and eating slowly.

I recommend starting with the easy stuff, especially easy stuff that no one else will notice. This way your secret is safe with you. You can get off and on the diet at any time and no one knows.

Diet Rewards

For a dieter, rewarding yourself with food is sabotage. You have probably been salivating over that chimichanga or cheese cake that you plan to chow down after your reach your first weight loss goal.

But wait! Food is not a reward. Repeat this a few times.

You lost five pounds. Good job. You are definitely due a reward. But what should it be if not food? How about that new DVD set you've been wanting? No. Watching TV is sedentary. A weekend in wine country? No. Too much food and drink and laying about. Tickets to the football game? No. The game is about beer, fast food, sitting and watching. Diet saboteurs all.

Here are some ideas for rewards when you are dieting, rewards that are special, perhaps extravagant, but will not sabotage a weight-loss diet:

• A new tennis racket
• Stylish exercise clothes
• A yoga retreat
• Roller blades
• Good running shoes
• Lessons in a physical activity
• A bicycle
• A juicer
• Camping or hiking gear
• Membership in a gym or sports club
• An exercise video
• Music: for serenity, workout, dancing
• A pedicure
• Personal trainer/instructor time
• Skis
• A boogie board
• Tickets to an inspirational lecture or show
• A trek up Annapurna

OK, maybe that last one is a bit much, but you get the idea. These are rewards that support dieting activities.

Diet Tools

The following tools will help you lose weight and also maintain weight. These tools are your friends.

• The scale
  Always weigh yourself at the same time every day, on the same scale. Don't move it. If you also want to use a scale at the gym or elsewhere, fine. But don't rely on other scales, or torment yourself by noticing how every scale weighs differently. If your scale fluctuates wildly, buy a new one.

• Your food journal
  You need to know what you eat, not what you guess you eat. Tell the truth.

• The mirror
  Avoid surrounding yourself with mirrors, and stop avoiding mirrors. Either of these is putting too much emphasis on your physical appearance. A casual look at your full body is enough. The more familiar you are with your body, the more you can notice changes.

• Non-stretch clothes
  Don't get rid of these, or hide them, or hate them. These clothes will help you tell the truth to yourself, and also give you a goal. It's good to have a few slim-fitting non-stretch clothes so you know where you stand.

• The gym
  Or the track, the courts, the pool, wherever you choose to do vigorous exercise. Taking classes is good. Getting to know people who are doing the same thing can help you stay on a program.

• The clock
  Eat on a regular schedule, not just whenever you feel like it. Set up time ranges for meals and stick to them. When you have snacks, make sure the snacks don't sabotage your regular meals.

• Exercise equipment
  Such as weights, jump rope, bicycle, exercise balls, yoga mat, and so on. Sports, yes.

• A healthy eating/diet book
  I have two: Marilu Henner's "Total Health Makeover," and Andrew Weil's "Eating Well for Optimum Health." I not only learned a lot from reading these books, but I use them as reference to look things up. Choose whatever books work for you, but you really don't need a lot of such material. Weight loss is about taking action, not about studying.

• A healthy eating/diet hero
  If you are lucky enough to have a real person in your life who provides a good example for you in relation to food, observe carefully. Ask questions. Copy him or her. If you don't know such a person, hire a personal trainer or nutritionist. Look for videos or TV shows. An imaginary diet hero is better than no diet hero.

• An exercise hero
  This might be the same person as your eating/diet hero, might not. Pick a realistic hero, not an Olympic athlete. You want someone who you can emulate, preferably a person in your life.

Changes for Weight Maintenance

In addition to being useful during a weight-loss diet, some of the following food habits can help you maintain your weight after your diet is over:

• Eat breakfast.
• Use smaller plates, bowls, cups, and glasses.
• Sit down to eat, preferably at a dining table. Don't eat while standing, driving, or walking.
• Pay attention to your food. Don't eat while on the phone, watching TV, doing chores or other work.
• Keep food in drawers, cupboards, or the refrigerator. In general, don't display food.
• Don't take a bag, box, or jar of food out of the kitchen to eat elsewhere. Picnics are exceptions.
• Don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry or in a hurry.
• Don't go into the kitchen until you've been home for 15 minutes.
• Put food on plates in the kitchen and take them to the table. Don't pass bowls of food at the table.
• Don't take seconds unless you are still genuinely hungry.
• Don't offer seconds to others. If they are still hungry, they can ask. In general, don't be concerned with what others eat.
• Respect your leftovers. Store them carefully and use them, especially for lunches at school or work.
• At restaurants, share a dish, especially hors d'oevres, dessert, and oversize main dishes. Dine with people who like to share.
• Try to avoid having restaurant leftovers. Order less food.
• Take a walk after a meal.
• If you don't eat by 8 PM, skip dinner.
• If you eat a bag of chips or an ice cream sundae or a huge meal, skip the next dinner.
• Don't use food as a reward.

Some of these are difficult, some not. It's different for everyone. Pay particular attention to the last item on the list. We reward ourselves with food all the time. Anything that goes in your mouth and puts pounds on counts, including alcohol and coffee. If you don't adopt any of these tips but the last one, at least you will help your children to avoid being fat. If you can't think of anything except food as a diet reward, check Diet Rewards for ideas.

Changes for Weight Loss

Reducing portions and slowing down your eating are probably the two food habits that will have the quickest impact on your weight loss. If you're going to skip meals now and then, make sure they are dinners. Going to bed hungry is much better than trying to work and play hungry.

Tip: I wouldn't suggest full fasting unless you really know what you're doing. It's risky, and also extremely different from your regular life, so odds are that any pounds you lose won't stay gone.

Cutting out certain foods will accelerate your weight loss, but take it easy. If you cut out too many foods at once, your body will panic and hold onto its fat with a vengeance. Habits are not all in your mind, they are also physical. My recommendation is that you make the easiest cuts first, that is, what is easiest for you. You might think of additional or different foods to cut out, but don't be too Draconian. This is not about punishing yourself with extreme deprivation. This is about doing without some of the high-calorie food while you lose weight. If you don't know anything about calories, refer to Food Journal and Calories.

1. Cut out soft drinks.
2. Cut out candy.
3. Cut out fast food.
4. Cut out high-calorie coffee.
5. Cut out dairy products.
6. Cut out chips and crackers.
7. Cut out bread.
8. Cut out potatoes.
9. Cut out boxed or frozen meals.
10. Cut out pastry.
11. Cut out alcohol.

This list might be startling at first. It could seem like you are cutting out your entire diet. If that's true, then you seriously need some different eating habits. But for most of us, it's not true. Instead of whining about the food you should cut out for a weight-loss diet, notice what foods are left, such as eggs, juice, nuts, cereal, soup, fruits, meat, vegetables. The list above just contains the highest-calorie, least nutritious foods that occurred to me. If you find yourself angrily defending any of these foods, you are probably too dependent on them, or you sell them for a living. Think about it.

When you start cutting out foods, be sure to compensate for any nutritional loss either with vitamins or other foods that provide the nutrients. For example, if you cut out dairy products, here are some foods that provide plenty of calcium: broccoli, salmon, figs, oats, leafy green vegetables, sesame seeds, tofu, molasses.

If you are besieged by compulsions for any of the food you have cut out, here are some substitutes for getting through your cravings:

• Soft drinks---flavored sparkling water, watered-down juice
• Fast food---pizza is generally the healthiest fast food
• Bread---whole wheat bread
• Chips and crackers---popcorn, almonds, raw carrots
• Dairy products---low-fat milk, cottage cheese
• Potatoes---sweet potatoes
• Boxed or frozen meals---a fresh sandwich
• Sweets---dark chocolate, dried cranberries, gum
• Pasta---eggplant, portobello mushroom
• Alcohol---not sure

When your weight-loss diet is over, think carefully before reinstating the calorie-laden foods in your regular diet. Gaining back the weight you lost is beyond horrible.

Alcohol
Alcohol is in a league of its own. It’s not exactly food, but it has calories. I can’t prove it, but I think alcohol makes calories from actual food stick to me. This sounds ridiculous, I know, but it might be true. When I decided not to have liquids with my meals (they dilute digestive juices), I stopped all drinking associated with food, including alcohol. When I had a beer or glass of wine anyway, I noticed the food I wanted to eat with it—pizza, ribs, chips, Italian, even chocolate.  Hmm.

Diets I Have Observed

'Diet' is not a dirty word. After all, a diet is what you eat. A weight-loss diet is different. Over the years I have observed many weight-loss efforts. All of the diets I describe here were successful in lowering the pounds that display on the scale, at least temporarily, and most of them had drawbacks in the general health arena.

Fem Diet 1
Eat nothing but eggs and grapefruit. Lose 5 pounds. Go back to fries, ice cream, and pizza. Repeat cycle.

Fem Diet 2
Don't eat. Instead do a fast, or distract yourself with another obsession, or use diet pills—whatever it takes completely to stop eating.

Fem Diet 3
Binge and purge. We didn't know this was bulimia, we just thought it was gross.
Note: I've never personally witnessed anorexia, but I understand it works for weight loss. Might cause death.

Fem Diet 4
Start smoking again. Keeps you from putting food in your mouth.

Manly Diet 1
Stop eating potatoes, bread, and beer. Continue until you lose the pounds. (This was before fast food. Today, this diet would also cut out fast food, sodas, and chips.)

Manly Diet 2
Eat whatever someone else brings home. Pour lots of salsa or ketchup all over it. Discontinue food if belly gets too big.

Determined Pig Diet
Pig out on rich food, sweets, and alcohol, then knock yourself out with exercise to work it off. Suffer occasional injuries, and vomiting. Sweat, sweat, sweat.

Hippie Diet
Eat only brown rice, Iron John bread, and weird veggies. Sugar is evil. Smoking and drugs are okay.

Mom Diet 1
Eat only leftovers from the kids' plates. And wine coolers.

Mom Diet 2
Never sit down to eat. Hover while others are eating. Push seconds. While doing the dishes, eat everything left on the plates.

Official Diet
Join weight loss club , hospital program, or follow a popular diet. Obey rules. Suffer. Lose weight. Go back to pre-diet eating behavior. Regain weight.

Drinker's Diet
Substitute alcohol for food. Forget to eat. Let food spoil in refrigerator. Take vitamins, sometimes.

There are many more such approaches to weight loss.These are just the ones I've personally witnessed. Most seem to be cautionary tales of what not to do. This isn't coincidence. Most diets don't work.

Dashed Expectations

We all have expectations about how life is going to go, or how events will unfold, or what should or should not happen to us. You don't even know you have some of these expectations until they are not met.

Expectation #1---If I really diet, I will lose weight quickly.
Here's an example of how the first week goes:

Day 1: Weigh in at 140. Be good, eat right.
Day 2: Weigh in at 139. Be even better, eat right.
Day 3: Weigh in at 140. Huh? But I ate less.
Day 4: Weigh in at 139. Oh, okay. Still eating right.
Day 5: Weigh in at 141. What!?
Day 6: Weigh in at 141. How can this be? I am starving.
Day 7: Weigh in at 140. Sighs, tears, random swearing.

Truth is, if you stick calmly to your diet, you will lose about one pound a week. One pound!? We are shocked because when we were [young, a jock, in school, childless, single, and so on] we lost weight much more quickly than this. In fact, we rarely gained weight. Whining must be done, but it really is no use. Quit your diet as often as you need to, but know that when you stick to it in earnest, you will lose an average of one pound a week. Some weeks you lose no pounds.

Expectation #2---Others will be supportive, interested, and want to join in my diet.
No, no, and no. Or rather maybe, in certain circumstances, but no. Keep your diet private. It is not a club. You don't need to convince anybody but yourself. Beware the saboteurs, including yourself. Get ready for the long haul without any cheerleaders, saviors, or fellow complainers.

Expectation #3---The diet will be over and I will return to my former happiness, sans fat.
The weight loss part of your diet will end, but if you don't develop a good maintenance diet, fat will return, and then some. Resolving issues that might have contributed to weight gain is also a very good idea.

The Secret

A very important secret to successful dieting is to keep it secret. Don't announce that you are on a diet. Don't tell anyone about your vows or goals or discoveries or miseries. If you must put your experience into words, write it down (I did, in this blog). But don't show anyone your writing until the end of your diet. If you join a formal weight loss program, they will know, but no one else. People at the gym or on the courts or in the pool will just think you are getting some exercise. If you don't talk about your diet, or explain your smaller portions, or try to convince others to join you, you will be left in peace. The diet can be done at varying levels of stealthiness, which you can adjust according to your situation.

Da Facts
Looking back, I wish I had gathered more of the facts about my body before I started my diet. It's best to face all the facts at the beginning of your diet. Then you will have comparisons to motivate you. Here's what I mean:

• Exact weight, on the scale you will use for your diet
• Body fat ratio---This is particularly helpful if you might be putting on muscle weight while losing fat weight. BMI (Body Mass Index) is not as helpful, but BMI is better than nothing.
• Measurements---height, bust/chest, waist, hips
• Blood pressure
• Cholesterol levels
• Bone density
• Anything else you want to measure

Look at these numbers before you start and after you finish the diet. Pay no attention to them during the diet.

HARD TRUTHS
Along with facing the facts, here are some hard truths you should be aware of:

• Diet talk is boring to anyone who is not on a diet.
• Diets that are radically different from your regular eating usually don't work. You gain the weight back.
• Dieting for a specific outcome (to fit the dress, to get the guy/girl, to win a prize or a bet) usually doesn't work. You gain the weight back.
• Starving yourself usually doesn't work. Your body thinks you really are starving, so it holds onto fat. You don't lose weight. You might even gain weight.
• Some people want you to stay overweight. These people might include your dearly beloveds.
• True friends are supportive of your well being, including your health. They might say things you don't want to hear. Listen before rejecting what they say.
• Not everyone is your friend, even some of your friends.
• Habits are powerful. And comforting. And easy.
• Inertia is powerful. The longer you've been on the couch, the harder it is to get up.
• Weight comes on slowly, weight comes off slowly.

Food Journal and Calories

If you have no idea what you eat, start a food journal. All this means is that you write down what you eat for a few weeks. When, where, how much, with whom, how you felt about the food, how your body reacted. The more detailed the better. Don't be "good." Eat whatever you eat and write it down. Liquids count.

Your body needs a certain number of calories to live, based on your size, age, and so on. To lose weight, your body needs to use more calories than it takes in. If you have no idea which foods contain many calories and which don't, consult a book or the Internet. A pocket-size calorie booklet is very handy. Make a short list of your favorite foods (the foods that appear often in your food journal) and learn how many calories they contain.

Between food journaling and calorie awareness you will be able to identify two very important things:

• Your food problem areas
• Your food downfalls

Problem areas are usually recurring behaviors, or entire food groups. For example, fast food, sweets, all-you-can-eat buffets. Your eating style could be a problem. Do you snack all day? Do you eat like a bird in public, then indulge in private? Do you eat until it's gone? Do you eat very fast? Here's a big one: can you tell when you're full?

A downfall, also known as your Achilles' Heel, is a particular food that you eat to make yourself feel better, for comfort or reward. Downfalls are rarely broccoli or apples. They are usually food like cookies, French fries, pie, beer, wine, burritos, ice cream, chocolate, scotch, pistachios, pizza, sticky buns. Both problem areas and downfalls contribute to weight gain, so you need to know what yours are if you want to lose weight.

For the psychology-oriented, it can also be very helpful to know a little about what attitudes you developed in your family of origin. What was mealtime like when you were a kid? Is there obesity in your family? Any eating disorders? Do you equate food with love? Or control? There are lots of books on the psychological issues associated with food and eating.

Go as far as you want to with research, just don't lie to yourself. If you lie to yourself anyway, find a nice psychologist to help you get real.

The Emotional Reaction

Before I started doing anything constructive about my situation, I went through a period of emotional and intellectual flailing. This can go on for years. Looking back, I think my experience was based roughly on the classic Kubler-Ross phases of processing loss:

1. Anger
2. Denial
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Most of my behavior was invisible to others, and involved trying to out think the problem and beating myself up for failing. Here's what I remember:

• Silently calling myself fat. Criticizing every imperfect aspect of my body. And, of course, criticizing my weakness of character for being overweight.
• Impulsive bursts of activity. Fasting, sudden jogging frenzies, stocking the kitchen with No Fat food, swearing off TV. One thing I didn't do was buy large pieces of exercise equipment, but I wanted to.
• Comparing myself to others. Resenting my teenager and anyone else who was slim. Soothing myself by noticing how many others were heavier than I was.
• Making vows. Promising new behaviors that would never again allow me to get out of shape. Virtuously depriving myself of food.
• Wishing. Praying for some sort of magical fix, for which I would do something vague in return. Now and then getting on the scale. Being thrilled if my weight was down, despondent if it wasn't.
• Whining. It's not fairrrrr. Self pity morphed quite naturally into martyrdom (stick-of-celery syndrome) or weekend warrioring (I-am-a-rock syndrome). I call this the suffer-and-complain cycle.
• Avoidance. Avoiding friends and family members who were actually working on their weight in some sort of rational manner. Avoiding the scale and the mirror, my arch-enemies. Hiding my too-tight clothes in a drawer.
• Rationalizing. Scorning all formal weight loss programs and diets. Lambasting media standards of thinness or muscledness. Continuing to eat fast food and sodas---because they were cheaper and I needed to be thrifty.
• Blaming. Blaming my family and friends for bad food being around, and for my having no time to exercise, and for making me watch TV, movies, and sports with them. If only they could change.
  

Secretly I knew I was overfed and underexercised. Pretty simple. But my mind had to do what my mind had to do. Then one day, I changed.

     END OF THE ROAD
          STAKE IN THE GROUND
               ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

So what was the big event that precipitated this change? A dramatic epiphany? A health crisis? The hand of God? None of that. It was my belly.

I always liked my belly, which had only been radically different during pregnancy. But now it was round, a bit flabby, never flat. I could pinch fat all around my waist, which I now referred to as the "waist area" since the in-and-out aspect of my former waist was gone. I felt badly that I had forsaken my belly and other parts of my body. Neglect. Indulgence. Lack of appreciation. Sigh. This time I didn't slip into anger, denial, or bargaining. I didn't get stuck in self pity or defensiveness. I accepted the situation.

A Typical Story

My story started on a routine visit to the doctor for my annual checkup. Hop on the scale, yada yada yada, what!? I weigh what?! She let me take my jacket off, my belt too. The scale lied! I was distracted for the rest of my appointment. Yes, I was still in an acceptable weight range, my numbers were fine, clean bill of health. Yeah, and fat, I muttered to myself. Next day I secretly weighed myself in the company locker room. That scale lied too! I secretly checked other scales here and there. Bad news.

Suddenly, magically, surprisingly, I was ten pounds over my normal weight. To my credit, I immediately got my first scale and put it in the bedroom. I didn't use it. Time passed. Summer came.

I put on my favorite summer skirt which just happened to have a non-stretch waistband. I couldn't button it. The skirt hiked up over my butt a little, making it too short. I was horrified. I tried on some slim-fitting pants, which were now tight. These pants would definitely be uncomfortable at work where my job consisted mostly of sitting at a computer. I finally took a hard look at my naked self in the mirror. My waist was gone! I had a belly. My modest saddlebags had grown. I was chubbier around the face, not much bone structure evident. My upper arms were plump. I was out of shape and heavier by10 pounds, now 11. What happened?

In my particular case, here's what happened:

• I got older.
  My metabolism changed and I didn't realize it.
• I stopped dancing.
  After an injury, I laid off for a while and never reestablished my dance nights.
• The good TV season coincided with my recuperation---and extended well beyond.
• I lost my walking buddy.
  He had a family crisis and didn't return to our walks.
• My kid grew up.
  I had fewer regular meals, more snacky foods, more late eating, and more eating to soothe upsetness.
• My company was struggling.
  I was worried about layoff, extra work hours, lost comrades and lost income.
• Eating out (and takeout) had become the main event for socializing with friends.

When I thought about it, I realized that there were many sedentary activities in my life: watching, talking, eating, looking at a computer screen, resting. Make your own list, but be sure to do it. You'll want to have an idea of what situations and behaviors might have contributed to your weight gain so it doesn't sneak up on you again.

Start Here

Most people I know are not obese. However, most people I know are not slim. They fluctuate between being a little overweight and moderately fat. Some of them have never been heavy before, but they are headed that way. Some of them have never been on a weight-loss diet. Some have tried dieting and are just discouraged.

This blog is for them.