Diets I Have Observed

'Diet' is not a dirty word. After all, a diet is what you eat. A weight-loss diet is different. Over the years I have observed many weight-loss efforts. All of the diets I describe here were successful in lowering the pounds that display on the scale, at least temporarily, and most of them had drawbacks in the general health arena.

Fem Diet 1
Eat nothing but eggs and grapefruit. Lose 5 pounds. Go back to fries, ice cream, and pizza. Repeat cycle.

Fem Diet 2
Don't eat. Instead do a fast, or distract yourself with another obsession, or use diet pills—whatever it takes completely to stop eating.

Fem Diet 3
Binge and purge. We didn't know this was bulimia, we just thought it was gross.
Note: I've never personally witnessed anorexia, but I understand it works for weight loss. Might cause death.

Fem Diet 4
Start smoking again. Keeps you from putting food in your mouth.

Manly Diet 1
Stop eating potatoes, bread, and beer. Continue until you lose the pounds. (This was before fast food. Today, this diet would also cut out fast food, sodas, and chips.)

Manly Diet 2
Eat whatever someone else brings home. Pour lots of salsa or ketchup all over it. Discontinue food if belly gets too big.

Determined Pig Diet
Pig out on rich food, sweets, and alcohol, then knock yourself out with exercise to work it off. Suffer occasional injuries, and vomiting. Sweat, sweat, sweat.

Hippie Diet
Eat only brown rice, Iron John bread, and weird veggies. Sugar is evil. Smoking and drugs are okay.

Mom Diet 1
Eat only leftovers from the kids' plates. And wine coolers.

Mom Diet 2
Never sit down to eat. Hover while others are eating. Push seconds. While doing the dishes, eat everything left on the plates.

Official Diet
Join weight loss club , hospital program, or follow a popular diet. Obey rules. Suffer. Lose weight. Go back to pre-diet eating behavior. Regain weight.

Drinker's Diet
Substitute alcohol for food. Forget to eat. Let food spoil in refrigerator. Take vitamins, sometimes.

There are many more such approaches to weight loss.These are just the ones I've personally witnessed. Most seem to be cautionary tales of what not to do. This isn't coincidence. Most diets don't work.